I have to be honest for a moment. There are so many things that I want to write about but I am hesitant to because there are some things better kept quiet for this season. Eventually there will be a time when I can write about all sorts of triumphs & victories after mighty battles. If you sense that I am being vague, it is to honor certain people I hold dear as well as protect those that are innocent. Our words can cause so much pain even if the truth is being told. I want to write words that speak life, and encourage readers in times of great struggles yet address great difficulties at the right time.
In church today I realized how much my mind is changing. Getting rid of toxic thoughts and surrounding myself with non-toxic people have led me to a place of such joy & freedom. I still have a lot of work to do but I can honestly say that I have noticed a change in my life. Praise is on my lips even amidst trials. Truth is in the front of my mind rather than lies. Because I know whose I am and He is good & mighty & powerfully loving, not wanting any sin to taint me, or someone to mess with me, I am able to rest. No matter what happens I rest without fear of tomorrow.
Life can be hard but my joy does not depend on my circumstances. My joy comes from the One that never changes. He is always faithful, is always good & never gives up on me. He is my constant one. He is the only one I need to look to for my worth. He is always there when I am alone. He understands every tear & speaks life into my identity so that I can slay the enemy once my feet hit the ground every morning.
Grace is extended during imperfect moments when my emotions are on overload & pain is expressed outwardly. Every time I invite him into the mess, healing occurs. A new level of confidence grows and new levels of joy flood my soul after failure or heartache is turned to victory.
Surrender and healing is worth the hard work. Just like others work hard for that hot body, I am working on my soul.
Several weeks ago a certain part of my life was met with some serious confrontation. It began with the injustices over certain things happening with my daughter. I remember dropping her off after having a full two weeks together. When we made it home I cried myself to sleep. I love my girl so much & the battle she endures tears my heart up inside.
The following weeks I began praying differently. I was filled with boldness & confidence knowing God wants justice. And all of a sudden it hit me. I didn’t believe God wanted justice for me. This realization hit me so hard that it almost felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I grieved the fact that for the majority of my life I did not know my worth. For years I allowed people to treat me awful, always with the thought that it was my fault. I figured that since they said I was to blame that it must be true.
Be careful who you listen to. Be careful the ones you allow to sow things into your soul.
It can be hard when those in your life that are supposed to love & care for your heart fail miserably. When it comes down to who matters, Gods opinion of you is the only one that will have eternal impact.
Several days ago I was able to have a pep talk with my daughter. I told her that just because important people in her life place conditions on their love for her & treat her awful does not & will never decrease her value. Her value only increases. She is priceless. Because of Jesus she is able to know that her value is not & will never be dependent on other people loving her back the way she needs them to in return. God has her back. With God she gets better with time just like fine wine & in that case her value increases everyday no matter who neglects or abuses her.
The day I shared this with her was also a reminder of the enemy slaying I had just done the weeks before.
Therefore, this summer has been an epic one, slaying the enemy left & right!
Justice for my daughter.
Justice for my husband.
Justice for me (I finally believe it)!
I felt compelled to declare this truth today. We have been walking our daughter through some difficult things. Her sweet heart has been holding onto guilt for things completely out of her control.
The more that lies are said and hurtful things are done I can see how pointless it all is. Do you want to know why?
Because love wins.
As long as I choose Jesus, forgiveness & love, nothing can compare to Him. I have started saying, “I forgive you” out loud because I want love to reign in my heart. Ever since I have started to do this I have literally seen a shift occur. Truth surfaces & a confidence in Jesus & who I am deepens.
Dear ones, when life hurts due to the actions & words of others choose love.
For a period in my life I was holding onto ashes. These ashes contained many things. Pain and turmoil left a constant ache in my heart. I was holding onto words and an identity full of lies that I had allowed to penetrate what I did. It left me feeling anxious and doubting everything I said and did. One day I looked at my hands and realized,
“What am I doing? Why am I allowing this to rule my thoughts? Why am I allowing this pain over these ashes keep me from living in freedom?”
I decided then, that no matter how hard it may be to break the habit of holding handfuls of ashes that I would let go.
That day I chose freedom, I chose Jesus.
Too often we let what others say, a diagnosis, an ailment in our bodies, distance, or certain actions from others dictate and rule our lives to the extent of binding us. We were never intended to live this way. We were made for freedom! We were made to fly, to dance in joy, and to be so full of love that it literally overflows onto everyone and invades everything that we do.
What are you holding onto? What are you allowing to bind you?
Let it all go!
When you let go you are able to rest well. You are free to dance! Freedom grows and increases your faith.
I do not want to live a life limited but rather one that shows passionate living. Passionate living to me means to be bold in the Lord. I have no need to be anxious. I want to operate with him casting aside man-made boundaries of faith and man-made ideals of identity. It is in him that my identity lays. I can be me as God intends me to be.
Raise your hands in freedom. Dance. Laugh. Love deeply. Rest in his peace. Fly.
The past several weeks have been very full! As I reflect back I am not the same on the inside as I was even 3 weeks ago. This is the beautiful thing about this amazing journey called life. It is one grand adventure even through heartache and pain.
After God destroys poison sewn into your being and shows you how you must change, freedom is what you gain when you do exactly what he says.
Years ago, God showed me how the enemy thought he could steal my voice. An image of his hands choking me around my neck and then Jesus nodding to me to destroy the bondage was the beginning of annialating the enemy. I have continued this journey and have come to realize just how important I am. It is why there has been such a battle for my life at such an early age.
Certain lies that I was told from a very young age have surfaced in the last several weeks. Pure poison. I was reminded this week about how God can turn all these things into something beautiful. He truly makes you stronger when you come to realize that you believed lies and can walk into the identity he always destined you to walk in. Now that is powerful!
I am not sure as to the timing of it but I do know that I am a new woman. The thing about my personality is that I truly care about everything. I want the best for everyone. I desire peace. I desire those I love to be happy. I desire people to understand me. If it were a perfect world people would know me for me. If it were a perfect world people would desire the best for me as well. But we live in a fallen world where jealousy, insecurity, misunderstanding, and selfishness run rampant. I know and understand how jealous the enemy has been. It is why he has attempted to convince me that I was nothing. No spirit of suicide, lies, or the worst acts upon my growing family and me will ever be able to deter our destiny.
Do you know how powerful your destiny designed by God is? Do you realize that the attack from the enemy would not be so prevalent or consistent if your destiny was not great? You are Gods most prized creation. He designed you for greatness. He designed you to fly rather than be held down by lies.
Will you take today to confront the lies that you have been believing about yourself? Will you decide today to destroy any strongholds that the enemy might have in your life?
Destroy the enemy.
Fly dear one into the freedom that God has waiting for you!