When Two Worlds Collided

Two worlds collided over Memorial Day weekend. It was a weekend that was full of many different emotions: heartache, pain, sorrow, yet full of joy for our Father. It is so hard to describe exactly every little feeling. It all felt so surreal.


 

It is most difficult to process two worlds that do not make sense quite yet. One full of memories of what once was, and the other that is now. The sorrow is ever present. It is a constant friend or foe depending on your perspective. Yet, there is joy, there is hope knowing that God is our strength. Life is bittersweet.


 

Our Mom was a most extraordinary woman. She loved us in such a way that no woman ever has. There was no doubt in each of our minds that she cared for every single one of us. She made sacrifices for us. She gave her life for others. It is this love from her that makes the void feel so deep. We can all be grateful that we had a taste of heaven through her in our lives.


 

Now, as our Father, whom we have only known with our Mom embarks on this new beginning it seems so strange to see him with anyone else other than our Mom. He loves each of us enough to want us to be a part of this new journey. It is a foreign way of living when it seems like all those happy memories of someone so dear to you feels as if it all is slipping away to be forgotten forever. Yet, I know that is not what is happening.


 

It is all these feelings that pollute being rational. I have learned to be slow to action during this time of grieving. To be perfectly honest, my husband has received the worst of these struggles within me. He has been so gracious as I battle through every emotion, rational or not. I am thankful I am not alone. He has learned to bring me coffee in bed (this is a nice perk!). For those of you who know me well, you can laugh knowing how amazing I think this is. I wish I liked mornings better.


 

Many have asked me how I was able to officiate the wedding for my Dad and Step Mom. To put it quite simply, Love. I knew from the beginning that this was God. It was more than evident to me that God brought my Dad and his new wife together and they gave me the greatest honor to be able to officiate it for them. I was able to talk through the tears because God gave me the strength I needed. God is strong in the broken places.


 

I also feel like I need to explain the tears. Some people thought I was just sad. Other people thought I was simply happy. It was both for me. Two worlds collided in that moment and I was overwhelmed with grief, and joy all in one setting. It was a definite and more solid ending to what our family once was and who my Dad used to be. But it was also a beginning to a new joyous journey with an added gift of a wonderful woman of God whose love and care for our journey up to this point has been rather remarkable.


 

My tears also represented a huge miracle for my husband and I personally. We saved the flower girl spot for our daughter J, for our wedding (for those of you who do not know, I am a Step Mom to a beautiful girl). When this did not happen because of unfair actions from the other party, it was hard for both of us. J was able to be a flower girl for my Dad’s wedding. I was crying because it was truly a miracle that she was there. I also felt like this was something that Mom would have wanted and prayed for herself.


 

God was showering us blessings in multiple ways. These realizations came upon me, wave after wave within the ceremony itself. I found myself shaking as emotion after emotion flooded my heart. And the tears just fell. It was beautiful.


 

 

Philippians 4:13

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

 

Perceiving the New

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My last post was about letting go. Since that time, I have realized on a deeper level how letting go is often a process and it can often come in different stages. But once you have let go of something completely, and God frees you from the pain, perceiving the new is so much easier. When pain is dragging you down it can make your eyesight a little cloudy. There are times when one small glimpse of the new is hard to focus on.


This weekend was a great weekend full of sorrow, and joy. I could not be more proud of my Dad. My Mom up in Heaven is so proud. God smiles like a proud Father. To see the new coming forth and being able to be a part of that is by far one of the greatest gifts in life. I could not be more grateful that God made it possible so that I could be a part of this new journey with my Dad being installed at a new church. Healing occurred this weekend.


As any healing process goes, you have to be willing to endure extreme moments of pain and sorrow. It can hit you in a rush and overwhelm you to the feeling of drowning. At the end of the rush, as long as you handle it correctly, your breath can return and a feeling of relief follows. With this relief, perceiving the new can become a celebration.


My Dad preached out of Isaiah 43. It is a perfect message about life. If you love and follow Jesus, this passage can pertain at any part of life. It is another passage that reinforces how we must never get stuck in the past or remain stagnant. It is evidence that you must continue living your life. You disobey and dishonor God when you stop growing and moving forward with him. You dishonor God when you do not move on. Because God is always up to new things. He is always working powerfully, you just have to stop looking back, and have eyes pointed in his direction, which is at the new, miraculous, glorious things that he is doing.


This weekend marked the new that God is doing in my Dad’s life, as well as part of the new for our family. And as hard as some things are because of the separation from our Mom, there is so much to celebrate. God is so good. He places the lonely in families. He restores the broken. He brings healing to pain. Because of him we can have joy amidst the sorrow. Laughter can become the best medicine. And when times of pain arise in the healing process, new breath and new life can begin to form, bringing forth hope.


You must let go of your past in order to “perceive the new”. Looking back does you no good. This does not mean that you cannot reminisce or talk about memories. Those are all ways to celebrate the people God gave to you. But looking back to keep things the same way, never willing to change or see things in a way that God desires, is wrong. To obey God, is to perceive the new. To obey God is to honor and uplift God. To obey God is to accept that you must change how you think about things and instead have the mind of Christ. That is how my Dad is living his life. I believe that any new change in his life will be a result of his obedience and love for God.


I believe that the new that has come and the new that is coming is cause for a celebration even if my heart still hurts and yearns for my Mom. It is a comfort to know that my Dad feels the same way. He loves my Mom. This is evident as he obeys God, perceives the new, and lives life full of love, and joy amidst the sorrow. He continues to honor her memory by choosing life and love. He continues to honor God by not only perceiving the new but also embracing it. Anyone who states otherwise I question your heart and motives. Anyone who says this is wrong needs to seriously do a proper study of Gods word.


Healing is a painful process but scripture never stated it must be done alone. Healing is a process. Letting go of the past must be done in order to move forward and perceive the new. Holding on never does anyone any good. Bitterness, a joyless, and a disobedient life is what you inherit by holding on. Letting go is actually where the truth about freedom and control can be experienced. Because in letting go, life is the greatest even amidst sorrow. Joy overflows. And God is there always to hold you close to his heart in a peaceful embrace. Holding on to have your own way is like a screaming child battling against his will, and pushing him away while he allows you to throw a fit. How pointless is that, right? God knows best. Let go. Perceive the new. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Obey.


Isaiah 43:18-19 (ESV)

“18 “Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.


I encourage you to read this entire chapter as it is pretty epic! God loves you and he knows what is best. Now, it is up to you to decide whether you truly trust him. Letting go shows that you do. By all means allow yourself to feel every feeling of sadness and pain but do not remain there. By all means weep and tell God why you are hurting so badly, but do not push him away.


He will give you strength for the healing process. He will not let you drown. He will restore new breath and replenish your soul. Joy is yours to choose and his arms are opened wide.

Fight Back With Joy: Celebrate More. Regret Less. Stare Down Your Greatest Fears- Margaret Feinberg

Fight Back With Joy Bible Study

Fight Back with Joy: Celebrate More. Regret Less. Stare Down Your Greatest Fears.- Margaret Feinberg (Click on the link below to watch a video)

Fight Back With Joy


I found myself laughing and crying my way through Margaret Feinberg’s newest book, Fight Back with Joy. One of the things that I appreciate the most about Margaret is how she opens up about her painful journey through cancer. With her honesty it allows each of us as the reader to be able to be honest with ourselves. Too often when we walk into a path that is filled with darkness and loss, we sometimes can get lost within the depths of those powerful emotions of sadness and hopelessness. What Margaret so beautifully describes in this book is how there is always hope, and that we can choose joy as our greatest weapon against the darkness.


At the very beginning Margaret addresses the common misconception about joy that I think most of us have believed. She states, “For most of my life, I had thought of joy as a natural byproduct of a life well lived. A complimentary add-on, a tacked-on freebie.” I, too thought the same thing as Margaret. Although, I have had moments in the past 5 years where I slowly but surely have had different hints of what joy was really supposed to be, I have not fully grasped the truth about joy until my Mom passed away. Sometimes, just like with Margaret’s journey fighting cancer or like a life without my Mom, we find that joy is right there for us to take up for ourselves amidst the darkness, amidst the pain and sorrow. It is always our choice.


You must read this book to understand Margaret’s journey searching for joy is often much like our own. She tried a “yes experiment”, which failed. Each of us search for more in life. We want to be happy. We want fulfillment in life. We want things to go as we plan them. I am in full agreement with her when she says, “Many people live joyless lives because they don’t understand what joy is, what joy does, how to discover joy, and what to do with it once they find it.” I have lived joyless not because I did not want joy but because I did not understand what it was. I thought that joy meant always feeling happy and having my life circumstances just right.


“Practicing defiant joy is the declaration that the darkness does not and will not win. When we fight back with joy, we embrace a reality that is more real than what we’re enduring and we awaken to the deepest reality of our identity as beloved, joyful children of God.” Joy is a choice. It is as basic as that. As Margaret so beautifully points out, “we are created for joy”, and “we are destined for joy.” Jesus made it possible for us to have joy. It is definitely a part of our heritage.


Joy is your heritage


As I live and let go, and choose Jesus, I realize just how much joy is a choice for us. Too often people will play a blame game about their lives. Too often we can remain angry. Too often we think that our bitterness is because of how bad life has treated us. The reality is, is that our life is a gift. God extends grace to us everyday. He chooses to love us and pursue us even when we choose to ignore him. I can tell you from experience that when we choose Him, there is no end to the things that he wants to show us. Joy is one of those great gifts. It is a fruit of the Spirit and as such, if we choose Jesus, it should be an action in our daily lives.


When you choose joy, you will find that life is great even amidst the pain, the sorrow, and the darkness. Joy is powerful. Will you Fight Back With Joy? Margaret Feinberg has written an exceptional study on joy by being very honest and raw about her darkest journey so far. Through her testimony, we see how “life’s thorniest paths can lead to great joy.”


To purchase the book today please follow this link: http://mar.cta.gs/0biGreat Joy