In Awe As Dreams Come True!

I have to admit something to you. I am an optimist. In some cases others may consider me a little too positive. I mean, have you looked at the world lately? And my response is always, “Yes, and I look through my Creators eyes and see hope everywhere I look.”

Most people who see me on a given day would never know what I’ve lived through and overcome throughout my life. No one would know that 5 months ago I could hardly get out of bed because my body had crashed but I got up and loved my family anyway. We were also enduring some incredible hardships and injustices that will never make sense.

Each day I am faced with a choice in the good and the not so good, how I am going to live my life.

I choose hope. I choose joy. I choose to live my life to the fullest measure, loving God and others with everything within me. I choose to defeat the enemy and teach my small family the same.

Recently doors have opened to some huge, HUGE dreams I have had since middle school. It feels like God has taken good care of my dreams and has prepared me for this year… The year of Covid and civil unrest. Amidst hardship and injustices, God is giving me my dreams. I feel so blessed! Words often fail me as I live in awe. I am speechless as I look at how God has provided supernaturally, performed the impossible (someday we can share these details) and how He has established my family as we seek more growth.

My heart resonates with Isaiah 54:1-3,

“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord . “Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities.”

I have often gone to this passage after years of being barren. What God has done in the past several years has been far greater than a full womb could have given me. Children do not heal souls or solve issues in life. Children are a gift and like arrows in a quiver (Psalm 127:4) but they are not the Restorer, Savior or Healer, God is.

There are moments I wonder if I will awaken from a dream but I know God has already awakened me. Hardships come every day. Healing and justice is a daily battle. But God’s goodness is beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Words do no justice to explain, or to reveal His goodness. He is present in everything I do because I desire Him in everything I do. He gives such good gifts. His healing lasts forever. His joy doesn’t spoil. In fact, His joy remains steadfast just as His love does throughout any trial, mountain or storm. He is amazing!

As I stand looking over mountains and valleys, I see Him. There are more hard times coming and difficult, gut wrenching giants to face, but I know He will lead me to the promised land.

I cannot wait for some big announcements coming soon that I will get to share with each of you, my faithful readers and friends. My desire is that when I can share these dreams as they unfold, that it will reignite the hope within you to never give up. God is in the hope business. He is the best at taking those hardships and pressures to bring forth a beautiful, priceless pearl. He wrote specific dreams and passions into your DNA.

Trust Him.

Lean into His chest and let Him revive the things of old, as He was dreaming of YOU while He formed YOU in your Mother’s womb. It brings Him great joy to walk you into your dreams.

These dreams come with surrender and sacrifice because these are God sized dreams, not human failing ones. You will find that as you move closer to Him, He will move closer to you. My prayer is that we would desire Him more than anything. It is in His presence where every solution to every human need and desire lies. The dreams we long for are found in Him.

Continue reading “In Awe As Dreams Come True!”

Heart Somersaults

I saw my paint brushes drying next to my coffee station the other day and felt pure joy! The simple things in life have given my heart somersaults. The recent months have brought about extreme changes. There is a stretching period where life attempts to find a balance.

Laughter has filled silent halls, bouncing from one wall to the next. Loneliness has left. Healing drips from Heaven.

This is life despite the challenges, the pain and the ache. Beauty intertwines like vines amidst the mess as tears fall and laughter fills deep bellies. Nothing can stop what God has begun. He brings us freedom and victory so that we no longer have to live life bound up and stuck in the mud.

Each day presents new opportunities for adventures and new memories to cover the painful ones.

Painting frees my creative soul as colors dance on the canvas. Jesus comes to join me and I get to enjoy His peace as I sip on fresh brewed coffee. These times with my brush and paints are far less than before but I love and cherish the moments I do get to have.

As life unfolds continuously I am grateful. I am grateful for a God who provides miraculously. When I say that He pays my paycheck I am not joking. Without His provision the past 4-5 months we wouldn’t have made it. Each month grows a deeper trust as God always comes through with supernatural provision from surprising sources. I have learned to celebrate and find joy in obedience and faithfulness knowing He is always there to take care of us.

Dear Reader, what is it that you need? What are some things you do that bring you joy and give your heart somersaults?

Thank you for being here and supporting my journey!


Silence



This weekend we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus. In between that was silence. Tension filled the air as Jesus’ followers awoke with devastation unable to comprehend His death.⁣

But God in great anticipation had a countdown going. He knew that a mighty conquering was occuring and victory was running towards humanity. While the people waited having only begun to grieve, to mourn the son of both God and man, silence settled as Jesus was about to breathe again. Even though Jesus had told them what was to come they still did not understand it. They knew the Messiah had come but nothing occured the way they had thought it would. ⁣

We are all in waiting right now. In our homes, on our own, we are waiting for our lives to go back to normal. But perhaps our lives are supposed to be resurrected? Maybe our lives are supposed to change to become better than before?⁣

There is beauty in the waiting. We may not know what it is going to look like but because Jesus defeated death and rose from that grave, we can be certain that what is waiting is full of victory, hope, joy! Could we view the silence, the waiting, a beautiful part of our journey to a great comeback where life is restored the way it should be and reconciliation has occured; where our pain has been healed and each of us has returned to love?⁣

Don’t you long for more? ⁣

The more is on the other side of the waiting, the silence, if one is willing to embrace the risen Savior. He has been waiting with great anticipation and joy for the day of resurrection… In your life. ⁣

Aren’t you ready? ⁣

It is time to stop ignoring the gentle whisper of love that will bring you freedom and heal your pain, Dear world. ⁣

You are loved more than you know.⁣



Vital Choices

“The thoughts and decisions in your life can either control you or set you free.”

I have been missing my Mom lately because I wish I could talk with her about everything going on in my life right now. I know what she would say,

“Kara, you have a lot going on. It is good to cry. Do not be so hard on yourself. Please rest.”

Since she passed I often tell myself similar phrases as a reminder to give myself some grace and choose hope each day.

It is vital for me to choose hope and joy. If I allow my thoughts to focus inward and downward it could have the potential to sabatoge my life. When I choose hope, the impossibilities seem less daunting and I am trusting God to take care of every detail. Often I have found that I have had to fight for hope and learn this as a discipline.

I have chosen that despite the circumstances, I will live with faith for promises and find ways to laugh. Why? Because my God is good. He wants the best for me. He wants me healthy, healed and whole. Jesus did not come for me to be hopeless and downcast.

His joy is my strength!

In joy there is room for increasing hope. Because of this I enjoy life even when I may feel like weeping or when I would much rather stay in bed with a frown.

My decision to stay upbeat, positive and hopeful is a decision based on how much I know God loves me and is for me. Since I know this about Him I also know that He loves my family more than I do. I know He already stormed the gates of hell and made a way for each of us. He will never stop storming those gates! And if He will never stop storming those gates then I know that I can wait a little bit longer for victory while keeping a smile on my face. I can allow laughter to fill my belly while telling the devil to shut up anytime I may be downcast.

No matter what, God is still sovereign. God is still good. Despite anything I may be going through He never changes. He cannot be defeated. He is for me. He is for you.

His love is vast and deep. Jesus proved it.

This, my friends, is why I choose hope and joy. Life may feel a bit surreal but my God is real and mighty. Nothing can change the truth of who He is and what He is doing for those that love Him!

(Laughing at this family photo ⬇)

The Victory Life

What is your focus on?

Those that study the mind share scientific proof that whatever you focus on becomes a part of you. Whatever it is can become bigger and bigger until it is all consuming (whether true or false). Essentially what you dwell on, read, watch & post has become apart of your wiring in your brain. Whatever you spend the most time focusing on will generally dictate your responses or reactions to life.

When life gets difficult it can be easy for many to focus on those difficulties. Some of us hide. Others get busier. Or we get angry, sad and melancholy.

A victors life chooses to focus on victories rather than defeats or the potential of them. It does not matter what is going on in life, if you focus on joy and victory because of Jesus, there is nothing that can touch you. I am not saying that things won’t discourage you or tire you. But what I am saying is that you have what it takes to remain steadfast, to persevere and to praise God through it all.

No matter what you may be facing today pick up your joy. Pick up your hope.

God is for you.

Victory is yours because of Him.

Joy is your choice and that is something that can never be taken from you.

Choose the victory life.

Stand Your Ground

Lately I keep being reminded to stand my ground. Every time I cannot help but think of The Princess Bride. You know the scene I am talking about:

“I am the dread pirate Roberts. There will be no survivors…”

Only it sounds like, ” I am the dwread piwate woberts.” I smile every time I think about it which is probably one of the reasons why I keep being reminded to stand my ground.

There is much to be said when you can laugh in the face of your circumstances because you know victory is on the horizon. Victory does not come without a battle. Opposition will come and there will be moments that stretch you and break your heart.

Stand your ground.

When the darkness surrounds you and the ones that you love, it can get easy to lose focus. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Do not look to the right or to the left. The enemy is a liar and a cheat. He takes cheap shots. He does not play by the rules.

But God is bigger, grander, and the ultimate judge.

God has already had the final word.

Pregnant With (full of) Hope!

There has been an immense amount of love and support since I shared my last blog post. Thank you!

I wanted to video a message of what has been on my heart recently. I am so full of hope. I know how good, how faithful and how mighty my God is. He is not limited by test results, bad news, diseases, addictions, or any mountain in the path of life. Rocks are thrown into the depths of the sea. Mountains crumble. He is mighty. He is faithful.

It is because of what He has done already and who He is that I know He loves and cares for me. No matter what happens He is what matters the most. He is my hope. He is my joy. He is the reason I am pregnant with hope!

Celebrate Michael

Let me introduce you to someone so precious. He was a miracle. He was a gift.

The first part of November I was having strange symptoms. At first I thought my body was responding to an amazing but extremely busy season of ministry & was protesting. I had also been battling colds for a month & a half. There was a strange fatigue that had settled in my body. So time went on & I remember feeling “pregnant”. I cast it aside as wishful thinking.

It had been impossible for me to conceive. I had already had a previous miscarriage that did not last past the first month early on in our marriage in 2011. I had already grieved through not being able to give birth to one of my own flesh. Hope was on the horizon to foster or adopt and continue loving my daughter (SD). I was content. 

In November a pregnancy test confirmed what was once deemed impossible. Our world was turning upside down and landed a bit lopsided in the most precious and beautiful way. 

I told my husband that I was battling against fear and could only believe life. I felt like I had already lost too much to handle any alternative. Every day I placed my hands on my belly and declared life. I prayed for every organ, for every tissue formation, ten toes, ten fingers and that all would go smoothly. At night I wept with thankfulness because of this beautiful miracle. I fell asleep embracing my baby and told him how much he was loved. The journey felt like a dream.

We had talked in detail about how we wanted to tell the good news and when to do it. Even though I wanted to shout and celebrate his life right away we both agreed that telling family in person would be the best way. 

(Week 6 pregnancy picture)

Week 6 went by and I was so sick & tired. I was so happy because it was the only way that I knew that he was doing well. Week 7, and 8 slipped by without any issues. By week 9 I was able to get into the Dr. and all my test results came back without any signs of complications. He was really coming! He was really real! By this time my belly was starting to grow & I felt pregnant for real for the first time.

Week 10 was the week we were going to tell our daughter & begin the journey to family for Christmas. Our daughter was beyond excited. She was already making plans. She was the best big sister ever!

The next day she could hardly contain her excitement as we were going to tell my husbands parents. Tears, smiles, hugs and congratulations were in order after breaking the good news. But a couple hours later I started to have slight cramping and instead of getting better my heart & body went on a journey I never thought it could handle.

The details into that night are too much for me to write out. The ER visit was horrific. What I was going through was unstoppable medically speaking and those working there did not acknowledge my sons life. With that perspective I know why I was treated as if what I was going through was not a big deal. 

Instead of a proper burial my baby is swimming in sewage because he was flushed down the toilet in the ER. Losing life and not being able to control what your body is doing is horrifying. 

Because of our miracle I have this need for people to know our son. He was important. He was not a blob of cells. His heart beat like yours and like mine. God still did a miracle in my body to be able to conceive and carry for 10 weeks. Those weeks I will cherish for the rest of my life. Our son helped my faith to grow. Impossible is fading out of my life. God is good and He never changes. 

Please meet our son. 

(Drawing by artist Brynna Hosszu)

His name is Michael which means, “Who is like God?”. It is a name passed down in my husbands family. When I give birth to my rainbow baby, Michael will be their middle name just like his Daddy and in remembrance of his big brother who prepared the way.

Michael you were and continue to be loved. It was a fun adventure while we had you with us, tiny as you were! 

Here are some of my favorite memories with you:

(We didn’t even know that we were a family of 4 during these fun moments in October)

(My first big ministry event knowing you were growing in my belly. It was a miracle I didn’t faint on stage due to sickness & fatigue. I remember telling you, “Okay baby, time to go worship God together! Let’s slay the enemy!” Photo Cred: Austin Groskopf, @agroskopf33)

(Family Thanksgiving 2017 two weeks early)

(Together for Thanksgiving at Long Beach)

(Our last full day together at Heritage Kids Family Christmas)

(This was our announcement photo. I bought 4 large stockings expecting your first Christmas with us would have been in 2018)

Enjoy time with Jesus & with my Mom sweet child. 

We love you Michael! 

Working For It!

I have to be honest for a moment. There are so many things that I want to write about but I am hesitant to because there are some things better kept quiet for this season. Eventually there will be a time when I can write about all sorts of triumphs & victories after mighty battles. If you sense that I am being vague, it is to honor certain people I hold dear as well as protect those that are innocent. Our words can cause so much pain even if the truth is being told. I want to write words that speak life, and encourage readers in times of great struggles yet address great difficulties at the right time.

In church today I realized how much my mind is changing. Getting rid of toxic thoughts and surrounding myself with non-toxic people have led me to a place of such joy & freedom. I still have a lot of work to do but I can honestly say that I have noticed a change in my life. Praise is on my lips even amidst trials. Truth is in the front of my mind rather than lies. Because I know whose I am and He is good & mighty & powerfully loving, not wanting any sin to taint me, or someone to mess with me, I am able to rest. No matter what happens I rest without fear of tomorrow.

Life can be hard but my joy does not depend on my circumstances. My joy comes from the One that never changes. He is always faithful, is always good & never gives up on me. He is my constant one. He is the only one I need to look to for my worth. He is always there when I am alone. He understands every tear & speaks life into my identity so that I can slay the enemy once my feet hit the ground every morning. 

Grace is extended during imperfect moments when my emotions are on overload & pain is expressed outwardly. Every time I invite him into the mess, healing occurs.  A new level of confidence grows and new levels of joy flood my soul after failure or heartache is turned to victory.

Surrender and healing is worth the hard work. Just like others work hard for that hot body, I am working on my soul.