Do you ever feel lost, dazed, and always behind?
Lately I have felt all these things not because of poor choices but because I am living my best life. Loving my family well is my first priority. I ask God daily for wisdom, insight and help. He has blessed us far beyond comprehension at this point.
Recently, I haven’t had time or the thought process to get my jumbled words out onto paper. I have had so many thoughts recently. Thoughts about human trafficking, the church, abuse, how Jesus heals, love, rest as a weapon and so much more. These thoughts are all wound up in my head like messy yarn. Instead of writing I see the beautiful faces of those I love and they have needed me more. When I begin one thing I am needed for someone else and I forget to finish what I began. If you are around when this happens please don’t take it personal. I am truly doing my best here to keep up with those that need me.
I often struggle with not being able to do everything I set my heart to get done. I have missed some writing deadlines, none that were required of me, but I set a personal goal to submit guest posts once a month. I found myself getting frustrated at myself for not being able to complete these submissions despite the drastic life changes my husband and I have had recently.
Have you ever been hard on yourself despite circumstances being far beyond your control? Why are we so hard on ourselves over things that don’t matter?
Once I realized how hard I was being on myself I chose to put my phone down, except to take photos, and enjoy the view. Whether it was hearing giggles and seeing smiling faces or providing tissues for tear streaked cheeks with heartache coming to the surface, I chose to be fully present in it all. I suppose I have been attempting to truly live this way since February but I hadn’t realized how much of our busy and performance based culture was imbedded into my DNA.
I have had to say, “no” more than I can count and take rain checks more often recently to ensure that I am fully present and living in obedience. This has also meant that goals have been slowed, not stopped, and life filled with other foreign things during a time unknown to us all. If I do not take the time to choose wisely I will miss it. What will I miss? I will miss those moments where those in my life need me and want to be the center of my world in that moment. I will miss the laughter and the hugs. I will miss the epic stories. I will miss the hiking trails and the messy faces, the scraped knees that need bandaging and my name being called in a sweet voice. I will miss the losses and the incredible victories.
I will miss the views.
The views that are beautiful beyond words and take your breathe away. The type of views you have prayed your entire life for and are struggling to soak in because it seems so surreal that finally you are living it!
Each of us must soak these views in because they will pass like a vapor in the wind too soon.
If you are struggling today to enjoy your view take a nice deep breathe in, exhale slowly and realize that this won’t last. You will miss some precious moments because they come and go in a blink of an eye. Give yourself grace as each day passes and a new one begins. Goals and dreams are waiting but those that need you won’t always be there like they are today.
Let each of us put down our phone, keep our wind blown hair and enjoy the views.