Who I Want To Be

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Being an introvert has probably been one of the things I have struggled the most with. Growing up I didn’t know how to communicate that I needed space. If I was overwhelmed by people I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings or my needs.

As an adult I realized very quickly that I had come to be borderline hateful of this part of me. I was told quite a bit as an adult that there were no introverts in heaven. This inadvertently led me to believe that there was something very wrong with me. I could never figure out what hidden sin was causing this for me to continually struggle with needing space and time behind the scenes.

One day I realized that God had designed me to give him glory while alone so he could be seen better in the crowd. The part of me that was needing space led to great reflections, writing and creative arts. I see and feel things in a different way and solutions come when I am recharging alone. To hate this part of me or communicate to someone that they are “wrong” is to deny a part of God. God had written introversion in my DNA not to remain by myself but for the benefit of myself and others.

When I realized that it was imperative for me to be alone to be the best me with others, I began to accept who God made me to be. He loved this part of me! Slowly I was able to let go of who I thought I should be and embrace who I was in alignment with Holy Spirit. Without God I would be like a broken compass always questioning myself.

Today I still remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Most of the time I don’t feel guilty for needing space. I often have to say no in order to get rest and proper self-care in. I will start my day alone or quietly leave a room to breathe. When I do this, my mind is alert and my soul refreshed. My creative side is able to flow freely and I feel the most alive when this happens.

A beautiful thing occurs when you can accept the “flaws” people have pointed out about your personality. Freedom to be yourself leads to confidence. Accepting how God made you (your heavenly design not your sinful one) and getting to know yourself rather than how others tell you, is important to live a victorious life. Obviously if there is known sin, repent and change. But if it has to do with your heavenly design stop trying to be someone that you are not. Be who God designed you to be. Place him back on the throne instead of others.

Extrovert or introvert, you are wonderfully made!

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