As year two rolls around things are different in many ways. There are some days where the ache is very deep, especially when I think of the holidays and unreconciled relationships. I have processed through this difficult onslaught of deep(er) emotions this time around and I realized something.
This time last year I was numb. There was so much that I was feeling, and struggling with that I had no time to process the deeper emotions that I was feeling. Looking back, I did the best that I could considering the circumstances that occurred after my Mom’s passing. Now I am working through much more. I am working through what holidays are now and it makes my sadness feel huge in the short times that it hits.
The sadness seems to grow depending on the day the closer we get to Thanksgiving and Christmas. The sadness seems to grow as relationships go uncared for. I am mourning multiple things. Unreconciled issues only make it worse.
Hope. There is always hope. I know that the grieving takes time. Relationships take time too. In those moments when the grief hits like a ton of bricks God is there to carry the load. I am so thankful for a loving Father who takes care of my heart. I am thankful for grace and mercy. I am thankful for a God who brings to light the darkest places of our heart in order for us to heal and reveal to us what our part of the reconciliation process is. I am thankful for forgiveness. I am thankful God desires us to be full of his joy. I am thankful Holy Spirit is my comforter.
If the numbness is wearing off for you trust that God knows exactly what you need. He does not want you to stay numb. He wants to pump you full of his joy in the process!
You are beautiful when the numbness is wearing off.