With Jesus, it does not matter what is going on. All that matters is that he is there with you. I am so thankful that he does not leave us. He chooses us every single day. Life is so beautiful with him!
For the past year or more I have been struggling with what family looks like for us. Not that we do not have family that love us because we do. I have yet to hear of any family without some kind of issue or drama. Family is messy. Our family is messy and it is beautiful at the same time. I am sure most of you can relate to this.
My deepest struggle has been with feeling a huge loss of blood family. We live far from my in laws and so the gap often feels rather large. I have prayed for God to show me what family looks like.
When we take our struggles to Jesus, everything changes.
As I have taken my desires for family and placed them on the altar, all my ideas of what family looked like changed. I have to admit that I still have an inner battle when I begin to miss what family used to be. But when I crawl into the arms of Jesus, he reminds me that through his blood, he transformed what family was, and it has nothing to do with having the same bloodlines as the other person, or being married into one. It has everything to do with being a part of Gods family.
As I reflect and battle whether to continue to hold on to my old family ideals, I have come to a decision. I will embrace Gods way of family. I understand that this will look different. I understand that I must learn to let go when God shows me that I am putting my hope in man-made possibilities rather than in his powerful love.
I understand that with the loss of Mom, our family will never be the same. She was the glue, the peacemaker that helped buffer issues so people would gather together. Do we allow God to heal us? Do we allow him to be the glue? Do we allow him to shape what family looks like?
As my heart says yes to God, I know that he is changing my thoughts, my expectations, my ideals and my desires. This is often hard because there is grieving still being done in regards to this. But this is also something so beautiful!
Choosing God every single day and laying everything in his hands; allowing him to change everything to match his own; crying in his arms giving him every part of you; that is when everything changes. When this happens, the beauty cannot be described adequately with human words. My soul sings with gratefulness.
Everything changes in his presence. This is where I belong.