Most recently my inbox has been getting over run by Mothers day ads. These messages have been making me feel much sadder than I anticipated. Mother’s day is already a hard day for me. Being a Step Mom does not qualify you in the eyes of many in society and the day can often feel awkward and sad for me. Now on top of this day, I get to be reminded that I am motherless. There are happy memories and I am grateful for the gift that my Mom was. But I am still working through feelings of longing for what others still have… their Mom.
The hardest part for me recently is to not feel sadness deep in my heart when I hear my friends talk about their Mom. I miss so many things about my own. When others begin to talk about times with their Mom, whether it is shopping, having her pay for their meal, being Grandma to their kids, and on it goes, I have to do a mental and emotional check within me. I have to remind myself that it is fine to greatly miss my own Mom while celebrating with those around me that they still have the gift of theirs.
The Lord is still doing His good work deep within me as I grieve and learn what letting go looks like. As Mother’s day gets closer I have found myself working through a normal order of emotions. I begin with dreading the day, to accepting that I cannot hide under my covers and weep with sorrow. Then I acknowledge that I can celebrate who my Mom was, while embracing and showing love to my other Mother figures (or fellow Mom friends) in my life. It is a strange mingling of emotions mixed with reality. Reality is that there are still so many here with me that I cherish. I do not want to lose sight of who they are amidst my own sorrow. I want to live in the moment because living in the moment does not mean forgetting or dishonoring my Mom. In fact, living in the moment, laughing with tears in my eyes, crying for a time, and loving those in my life all honor her memory.
If Mothers day is a hard day for you as well, this is my word of encouragement to you today: Do not be ashamed of the pain and sorrow in your heart, nor hide the tears that want to fall to the ground. Let those tears fall. Let those tears purify and cleanse the ache inside your soul. Know that God understands the pain, the sorrow and the longings in your heart. Sometimes Mother’s day is hard because you miss your Mom. Perhaps you have been grieving a miscarriage. Other times it is hard because you long to be a Mom and yet to have that become a reality. Whatever reason you have, God knows the desires of your heart. He has heard your cries. Do not give up hope.
He will make something beautiful out of the mess you feel you may be in.